My sorrow is my own – grief part 4 – guestblogger

I have experienced several losses in my life. Family members and close friends have died and disappeared from my life. These deaths occurred in various short periods of time. I have experienced close friends’ mental and physical illnesses. These losses have affected me very much over time. But I still want to talk about something else. Some years ago I ended up in a classic period in life. I think that many people go through their 40s, like I did. I started to ask questions. Existential ones; I watched the stars, and started thinking about our infinite universe. I got confused in a way I didn’t think was possible. I, a believer of science, an atheist or possibly a agnostic started to doubt in myself and my ability to be structured. Off being capable of taking care of my own feelings. I discovered that I early in life had lost touch with my feelings, that I had turned them off, or in some cases theorized them. I had developed escape behaviour in world class. Eventually the bubble burst, and I realized that the path that I had chosen is not good for me. My path! It felt like I ran into an emotional tsunami, and a part of my ego died.

I now understand that it takes a lot of time to go through all the emotions that put so much pressure on me. From all directions! It is not possible to go round, under or over them. I have to go right through! I know that I will do that. With help, I will be successful! My sorrow is my own. It is good to know. I have late in life learned that I can react to a loss the way I want, or choose to do. I don’t have to do it the way others have told me. That it is ok to do it my way. I have learned to appreciate art more than before. I recently visited an exhibition of a well-known Swedish painter. He painted the way my mind is structured. It was like coming home. At the same moment I had that feeling, I realized that I am about to come through. What a journey! // Rickard Löf, father of two boys, married, living in a small town in the south of Sweden. Rickard, thank you for sharing your story! //Love Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved

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18 responses to “My sorrow is my own – grief part 4 – guestblogger

  1. Very beautiful testimonial of personal growth! Thank you, Marianne, for bringing Rickard’s message to us! Thanks, Rickard, and I am glad that art had a profound and positive effect on you!

    z

    • Lisa, thank you for your kind words. The painter Rickard is writing about is Erik Olson, a very famous Swedish painter. He belonged to the “Halmstad group”, you can find more information at http://www.mjellbykonstmuseum.se/omwebbplatsen/english/thehalmstadgroup/erikolson.4.293aa03e12928a822b180006763.html. Rickard through Marianne

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        thanks for the link; i read that one then pulled up lots of images. it’s funny sometimes how something will be the catalyst for clarity. i’ve witnessed two people who were at personal/professional crossroads and unsure of their direction.. they visited me in costa rica.. each had a great time, lots of one-on-one unhurried kind of visit…. returned home and wrote the next week, ‘i don’t know what happened, but i know what i want to do…’

        i think sometimes you have to slow down and get quiet so you can hear your inner voice. perhaps Rickard’s experience was triggered by being in a quiet place as well..

        thanks,
        z

      • Lisa, I am not sure where Rickard saw the exhibition but I know it was in Stockholm. I am a fan as well, but I didn’t see this particular exhibition. I totally agree with you that we need to slow down sometimes to be able hear our inner voice, and let our bodies get some rest.

  2. Resilence and faith are good empowering factors in grief.

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    Wonderful post with important life tools we all can use.
    Well done !

  4. I was just thinking of my mother and how she lost her dog. She’s not as upset anymore but she talks about everything as if it was yesterday. I hate it and then I understand how deep pain takes time to heal.

    • I am sorry to hear that your mother is hurting, but you’re correct – deep pain takes time to heal. I hope she’ll get emotional healing very soon. //Rickard through Marianne

  5. Thank you (we use those two words so often that I worry they lose much of their impact, but in this case, feel as though you are hearing them for the first time, that will give you a clue as to how deep I mean them) Marianne for sharing your True-self…being vulnerable is not easy, but oh! the rewards are so wonderful!

    Be encouraged!

  6. A friend told me his only goal (at that time) when going through his problems.. was to be absolutely honest.. with himself and with others, about how he felt. That takes so much courage, I think.

    • I think your friend is right, and yes it does take a lot of courage. But it gets easier every time we do it, thank you for your comment. //Rickard trough Marianne

  7. Pingback: My sorrow is my own ? grief part 4 ? guestblogger | 365days « ubypicytyky

  8. Gracias por contarnos tus emociones y experiencias, lo mejor es que podemos ver en ellas que con coraje e ilusión se llega a cualquier parte, yo ahora necesito mucho de esto, mañana me hospitalizan, besos Marianne y gracias por compartir

    • Gracias por tu comentario agradable. Pienso en ti, y espero que todo vaya bien en el hospital. / / Marianne = Thank you for your kind comment. I think of you, and I hope everything goes well at the hospital.

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