Tag Archives: family

Happy New Year

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As we close the chapter on 2012, and open a new one tomorrow, it is time to reflect on the year that was and the lessons we learnt. Today it is time to reflect and at the same time be grateful for the past 12 months. Some of you have endured a lot of hardship, others have enjoyed success, and some a mix of both. No matter what your story is, if you are still alive you have a lot to be grateful for. If you also have a home, food, friends and a family you have even more to be appreciative about.

Today is not the day of grand promises. New Years Eve is actually the worst day of the year to promise yourself or others to lose weight, stop smoking or buying a membership to the gym. We have a tendency to break the promises we make on New Years Eve within a week or two, sometimes even the next day. This usually starts a vicious circle of guilt, shame and inner negative talking. Today is about taking time to look back at the year that was. Being thankful, and celebrate the new year that lies ahead of us. Tomorrow is a better time to make grandiose promises. An even better idea is to spend an hour every day for the next seven days and set inspiring goals for you to reach 2013.
Thank you for all the joy, and inspiration you have given me during 2012. I wish you a Happy New Year filled with love, success and prosperity! //Marianne

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Parental strategy

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Visualise what sort of relationship you want with your children. It’s important to be realistic and forward thinking instead of hanging on to memories of them when they were younger. Instead of telling them what they cannot do, ask them for new solutions. Children and teenager are usually more open minded than adults, and have a more creative way of looking at life, and solving problems. I remember how my youngest niece once turned a jumper into a skirt; I thought it was a brilliant idea and I still don’t understand how she did it. Adults have a tendency to patronize and laugh at children’s problem solving, and that is a very arrogant attitude. Instead you should take them seriously because we can learn a lot from children, teenagers and young adults. Today’s challenge: listen and learn something from a child, or a teenager.  //Marianne

Trouble

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month,” Theodore Roosevelt. What does this quote make you feel? Happy because it is a great reminder? Maybe a little bit angry, sad or disappointed with yourself because you know it is true. You are responsible for most of your troubles, which is good news. It is so much easier to change your own behaviour than changing external circumstances like your boss, family, friends or society. //Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved

Life

“Life is too short to waste. Dreams are fulfilled only through action, not through endless planning to take action”, David J. Schwartz. I have been thinking about this quote for a couple of days because I am living my dream at the moment in Fiji. To my big surprise I realized yesterday that one of my long term dreams have vaporised into thin air, it is gone. And it feels good. Sometimes we plan, and plan and plan until there is nothing left of our dreams. Other times we hold on to old dreams not realising that we have changed so much that the old dream no longer is interesting. Have you outgrown any of your dreams? //Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved

Missed opportunity

On my way to breakfast yesterday I walked past a door that was beautifully decorated. It made me curios so I took up my camera and suddenly the door opened. Behind the door was a bride to be and her bridesmaids. They were waiting for the groom to come and get her. I talked to one of the bridesmaids for a while and then went on my way. 3 espressos later, now wide-awake I realised that I had missed a fantastic opportunity. If I had not suffered from sleep deprivation I would have asked if I could come inside for a short interview. And waited for the groom and his
posse together with them. I could easily have turned that into an article of 2 500 words and 2-3 photos. Maybe even asked for a new interview in 6 months time. Instead I just walked away, and missed a fantastic opportunity. Will I ever get this chance again? Probably not. As soon as I realized my mistake I tried to find them but they were long gone. Instead I found another groom, dressed in a pink tuxedo surrounded by his groomsmen. He looked very nervous, and he didn’t want to talk or to be in a picture. I respect that, and I started to think about culture differences instead. No Swedish man would even be caught dead in a pink tuxedo. Thankfully men from other parts of the world are a bit braver. I normally keep my mind open for unsuspected opportunities, and I seldom regret my choices. But this is a missed chance that is hard to swallow. My lesson; sleep more hours every night, starting now. The words on the door: beautiful words of love, harmony, prosperity, good health and good luck. Important words to live by even if you are not getting married. //Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved

Longing for a child – grief part 5 – guest blogger

Grief, this feeling that none of us wants to meet on our path of life, but all of us have to deal with whether we want to or not. Grief that can be so tragic and so painful. Just like for every human being on this earth, also I have inevitably had to meet it. In some cases I have taken me through it, and been able to continue living life with a little bit more compassion. But there is also a grief I didn’t have the strength to talk about, or deal with until many, many years later. What happens to a person when she says no; I can’t take it, I can’t handle it, I don’t want to feel this. Can you do that, or do you just push your grief deep down inside yourself? When you close the door for your grief to come out, because you’re not able to handle it, do you also close the door for the possibility to experience joy, compassion and life energy?  What happens when grief gets stuck inside you? I don’t know. I just know that a part of me was turned off deep inside of me, and I lost enormously amount of power and energy. When I was confronted with the insight that I would not have children, not become a mother in this life; a bottomless impregnable grief came crashing against me with the highest speed. I tried to duck, I tried to hide, I tried to pretend nothing had happened, I tried to keep the façade up, but deep down inside me the pain and later the sorrow hit me hard. It knocked me to the ground. Stunned me completely. I tried to walk away from it, I walked and walked and walked, but it stayed with me like an invisible and extremely painful companion. A companion I didn’t want to look at. The pain cut right through my soul when I looked at it, so instead I chose to close my eyes and hide myself. Then I hit the famous wall of exhaustion…

Several years later I started to acknowledge the sorrow that lived within me, the pain, and how incredibly lonely it was to mourn when nobody knew I was actually mourning. Mourning a child that was never born, that never existed. Can one do that? At the same time as people around you are having children and you want to share their happiness. Some people say that the worst grief is when your child dies. That has always confused me. Can you really grade which grief that is the worst? Just in general? Isn’t that different for each person? My dogs have always, since I was a child, had the same importance to me as human beings. At the same time I realize that I sort of lost a child even though it wasn’t born, and that this grief is insufferably painful. I had longed for so many years to become a mother, ever since I was young. When I finally realized that it wasn’t going to be, the grief became overwhelming, unbearable to handle. Today I’m glad I had the courage to face my grief, to admit it to myself and to others. I will always carry it with me, or rather; I will always carry the experience of the loss with me. Just as the loss of a beloved grandfather and equally loved dogs. I go through the grief, and I know that life actually continues. That my life can be good and wonderfully rich even if the missing is there, and will always be there. Ylva Östlund, Vedic Art teacher, artist, and energy therapist – guest blogger.
Ylva, thank you so much for sharing your story, a very important story! // Love Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved

My sorrow is my own – grief part 4 – guestblogger

I have experienced several losses in my life. Family members and close friends have died and disappeared from my life. These deaths occurred in various short periods of time. I have experienced close friends’ mental and physical illnesses. These losses have affected me very much over time. But I still want to talk about something else. Some years ago I ended up in a classic period in life. I think that many people go through their 40s, like I did. I started to ask questions. Existential ones; I watched the stars, and started thinking about our infinite universe. I got confused in a way I didn’t think was possible. I, a believer of science, an atheist or possibly a agnostic started to doubt in myself and my ability to be structured. Off being capable of taking care of my own feelings. I discovered that I early in life had lost touch with my feelings, that I had turned them off, or in some cases theorized them. I had developed escape behaviour in world class. Eventually the bubble burst, and I realized that the path that I had chosen is not good for me. My path! It felt like I ran into an emotional tsunami, and a part of my ego died.

I now understand that it takes a lot of time to go through all the emotions that put so much pressure on me. From all directions! It is not possible to go round, under or over them. I have to go right through! I know that I will do that. With help, I will be successful! My sorrow is my own. It is good to know. I have late in life learned that I can react to a loss the way I want, or choose to do. I don’t have to do it the way others have told me. That it is ok to do it my way. I have learned to appreciate art more than before. I recently visited an exhibition of a well-known Swedish painter. He painted the way my mind is structured. It was like coming home. At the same moment I had that feeling, I realized that I am about to come through. What a journey! // Rickard Löf, father of two boys, married, living in a small town in the south of Sweden. Rickard, thank you for sharing your story! //Love Marianne

© 2012 Marianne365days – Change Your Life One Day At The Time – All Rights Reserved